It has been almost exactly a year since my life took an unexpected turn and I was forced to re-discover myself and take a look inside. I thought I knew who I was. I thought I had it all figured out. Boy, was I wrong. It’s scary to me now to think about how I always lived my life. Completely unaware. Ignorant to my surrounds, my wants, my needs. Neglecting myself, my relationships, my life. So much has changed since then and I couldn’t be more grateful. In a way I guess I was reborn. It took a huge change for me to be able to look within myself and figure all of this out. I think it happens that way for people a lot. They don’t realize this stuff or try to figure themselves out until they are basically forced to. It obviously doesn’t always have to happen that way, but for most people I think that’s how it ends up happening.
The biggest thing for me has been realizing that I am in control of my own happiness. I thought I knew that, but when I look back I realize I was letting external circumstances, situations, people and things control my every thought, mood, relationship, want, fear, reaction…EVERYTHING. I thought I was in control of myself, but clearly…I wasn’t! No wonder I’ve had anxiety issues my entire life. Geez. Makes total sense! My entire day could be ruined by one comment someone made or one unpleasant thing that happened to me. Oof-duh. That is giving a lot of credit to a lot of things that we have NO control over.
I’d love to say that I’ve over come that stuff completely and never struggle with that anymore…but I can’t. It’s still a work in progress. It will always be a work in progress and that’s ok! The biggest thing to me though is that I am finally AWARE of it. That is the first step. Being aware of things like that makes such a difference in itself. It’s amazing. Life-changing. It’s really not that complicated, but at the same time, it is. The complicated part is just becoming aware of it. It’s sounds easy, but that isn’t always the case. I’ve read SO many self-help books through the years. SO many. They all talk in some detail about that kind of stuff. It never clicked though. I was still looking outside of myself to find the answer, when all along it was INSIDE!
As soon as you realize that you are in control of your happiness and your life, everything changes. As soon you realize that only YOU are in control of your mood, your reactions, your thoughts…nothing will ever be the same! No one person or situation or thing can make you feel any certain way. You are in control of how you feel. You can choose to feel however you want. You can choose to react however you want. You can take responsibility for your own needs and wants. It’s liberating and life changing. Becoming aware of this for me was HUGE! I still can’t believe I never realized it before, but it is what it is. Everything happens as it should, always. I really, truly believe that with all of my heart.
Learning how to be present in this moment has always made such a difference in my life too. Get out of your head and stop letting your thoughts carry you away to crazy places. This is not at all easy to do, but again – once you start to be aware of it…everything changes!