You and me.

I want to share a poem I wrote awhile back when I was going through a really hard time in my life. I was going through a devastating breakup with someone I  deeply loved and cared for. Someone who I spent 11 years of my life with. It had been about six months since we broke up. It was hard. I was doing the work. I was trying to focus on myself. I started talking to a therapist. I spent time with friends and family. I did a lot of yoga. I went on a lot of hikes. I learned to play the ukulele. I read endless amounts of self-help books and blogs. I wrote in my journal. Some days were definitely easier than others, but I tried my best to keep moving forward. Some days it felt like I would never be able to move past it. I was certain I would never be able to escape the pain. The heavy absence. I knew all I could do was take life one day, one moment, one breath at a time.

The night I wrote the poem I had plans to go out. I didn’t feel well at all, so I decided to stay home. I was laying in bed and all of the sudden felt the need to write. These words are what came out. This was a break through moment for me. Almost like an out-of-body experience. It was healing in the most unexpected way. This is why I love writing. This is why I love art! It can heal us in ways that nothing else can. I wanted to share this poem again because this is what it’s all about. Life. Going through the ups and downs, learning as you go. Putting one foot in front of the other. Taking life one breath, one moment at a time. Honoring your heart and soul. Finding inspiration (and even better, YOURSELF) in the most painful and difficult situations. Learning to love and honor yourself isn’t easy, but it’s in these situations that you can really discover your worth and what you’re capable of. Do the work. Trust the process. Take care of yourself. Only you know what you need. Be grateful for even the darkest of times. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I promise you, the sun WILL rise. Never give up! ✨🙏🏼💗

Lindsey Beach Poem

You and me.
It was my everything.
The love, the pain.
It was home.
Your smile, your voice. Your hands, your touch.
The loneliness. The closeness.
The heart and soul connection.
The constant disconnect.
I loved you with everything I was.
I loved you with everything I wasn’t.
I loved you so much that I started to disappear.
Who I was didn’t matter.
I wanted to be seen.
I wanted to be loved.
I wanted to be enough.
With you, I was alone.
My thoughts, my feelings.
My heart. My soul.
I was too much.
I felt myself growing and changing.
I held back.
I bit my tongue.
I put you first.
I didn’t matter.
My feelings didn’t matter.
I abandoned me, so I could be with you.
We could be better.
We could make it work.
I knew you loved me.
Even though I couldn’t feel it.
It broke my heart everyday.
One day…my heart broke until it became a million pieces of who we were, of who I was supposed to be.
Pieces that would prove to be impossible to put back together.
The harder I tried, the more pain I felt.
As awful as it was, the pain made me feel alive.
The pain made me feel like I mattered.
Like we mattered.
It made us feel real.
It made us feel significant.
I loved you so much.
I wanted it to be enough.
Isn’t this how it’s supposed to be?
I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.
I didn’t mean to hurt you either.
I thought our love was enough.
But it wasn’t.
We hurt each other over and over just by being ourselves.
It didn’t work.
I was dying inside.
I loved you with everything I was.
I loved you with everything I wasn’t.
But I didn’t love myself.
Fear.
Resistance.
Denial.
You were my person.
My home.
My everything.
But I knew I needed to let you go.
My heart was completely broken.
The pain, paralyzing.
My breath, taken.
How was I supposed to survive without you?

I know I will always love you.
But after years of choosing you, I finally decided to choose me.
My heart.
My soul.
My life.
My love.
Growing.
Changing.
One day, one moment, one breath at a time.

I matter.
My feelings matter.
I am enough.
I’m learning.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s painful.
It’s beautiful.
I am brave.
I am letting go.
I love me.
I choose me.
I am free.

~lrk~

*Photo credit – Mary Bazille*

2 Comments Add yours

  1. mrscouly@gmail.com says:

    Lindsey, I love your poem! It’s beautiful. You are very talented! I hope you are doing well, I sure miss your yoga classes and your smiling face! Take care, Linda

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    1. Thank you so much, Linda! I miss you too!

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