Category: Self-Love

“What if it’s only one simple belief between where you are and where you want to be?”

Something I’ve given a lot of thought to lately is what exactly makes it possible for us to create the lives we want. I think a lot of it has to do with our attitude about life and ourselves, as well as the decisions and choices we make. Even more than those things though, our beliefs that we hold about life, love, relationships, work …everything really – those are what really shape our lives.   These could be things we grow up thinking we are “supposed” to do or believe. Get married, have kids, go to a certain church, work at a job you hate, etc. They are also beliefs that are formed because of things that have happened to us in the past. We got hurt, bad things happened, we didn’t succeed at something we hoped to, etc.

Think about it for a minute. Here is one example of what I’m talking about:

Somewhere along the way you stop believing in yourself. If you believe you aren’t good enough, that you’ll never amount to anything – well, you’re right! If you truly believe that about yourself, of course it’s true. You won’t try harder or do better, because why would you? And if you do decide to try and it doesn’t work out, it justifies your belief that you shouldn’t have tried in the first place.

Now, on the other hand, if you believe in yourself and that you are capable of anything – anything is possible. You’ll try to do your best and go after your dreams. Even if you screw up or things don’t go as planned, because you love and believe in yourself, you don’t let it drag you down or stop you from trying again.

Another example; I’ll use myself this time:

Growing up I always thought I would have kids, never really questioned it one way or the other. I just believed it was what you’re supposed to do. Grow up. Get married. Have babies.  I never really stopped to think about what I actually wanted my life to look like. It wasn’t until I was engaged last year that I really realized I had NO idea what I wanted my life to look like. I had never stopped and thought about it before. I had to do the hardest thing that I’ve ever done in my whole life; I left the man I loved because I knew I couldn’t get married feeling that way. The last year of my life was really about figuring out who I am and what I want. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself and for both of our futures. It was hard to see it that way at the time, but looking back it was something that needed to happen. This story has a happy ending, as my boyfriend and I did end up back together about six months later. The best part of it all is that I have a clearer picture of who I am and what I want. That is SO important. If I had gotten married feeling that way, neither of us would be in a very happy place right now.  We also probably would have gone along with having kids because you’re “supposed” to and as it turns out, neither of us think we really want kids.

There are SO many beliefs we have about ourselves and our lives that are only holding us back for living the life we truly want. These are usually things we don’t even realize. The amazing thing is it’s up to you to figure this out and make the changes we need or want.

If you really believe that you aren’t good enough and you’ll never amount to anything – you have to STOP that belief right now. NO good can come from that belief and it’s certainly not true.

If you are making decisions or changes in your life because they are things you’re “supposed” to do, I encourage you to take a step back and explore that a little more.

Really be honest with yourself about what you believe, deep down in your core. Be honest with yourself about everything. Ask yourself what you really believe about life, love, relationships, work, and spirituality, all of it. What you believe, what you want, what you need. These aren’t always the easiest questions to ask, but they are the most necessary if you want to be happy. The answers aren’t the easiest things to find either, but they are there. They are there in your heart and soul just waiting to be discovered.

Are you living your life a certain way because you believe that is how you’re supposed to do it?

Are you holding yourself back from a life of abundance because you believe you don’t deserve otherwise?

Once we ask ourselves these questions and find the answers deep in our soul, we can start creating the life we want. If we realize certain beliefs we have that no longer make sense, are no longer true, or they are self sabotaging…we can CHANGE them.

How awesome is that?

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
– Buddha

I believe that one of the most important things that we can do is learn to love ourselves, be compassion to ourselves and to accept ourselves…just as we are!  It’s also one of the hardest things to do.

When I first started thinking about the concept of self-love and self-compassion, I thought that I already did that. Of course I love myself! Of course I believe in myself! How could I not? I thought that I thought I was a pretty awesome person. I thought I had it together. But when I really started to watch myself and my thoughts it became quickly apparent that I wasn’t loving or compassionate to myself at all. I didn’t really believe in myself. I didn’t really love myself. I was never good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, talented enough, right enough, etc. Everyone else was always better, everyone else was always right. No matter what; I wasn’t enough. I reminded myself of that way too often. I didn’t even realize that I was doing it.

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